No, before you ask, I was never battered, however I know womaen who were, and are. My cousin Jo died from domestic violence.

The other day at the store I saw a lady, with a split lip and a black eye. She stood slightly bent, with her shoulders hunched, and met no one's eyes. Pressed tight against her leg was a small thumb sucking child with huge eyes who tried to watch everyone at once. The image lingers in my mind.

Any complaints I have about my life are petty, for I am truly blessed.

Hey I just typed a comment, where did it go???
Happy it was not you with these memories.

A very powerful poem.

Oh wow!!! Sad but very great & well done! :o) Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad you like my painting of the towers. Thats very sad that she reacted like that. My brother was pretty much the same way twords me at the time. Thank you so much for sharing how it was for you! I really appreciate that A LOT!

Thank you so much! You are exactly right! :o)

wow. i got chills. powerful words.

the victim here is as much to blame as the attacker.

To the lost crow,
I never have seen words so hurtful related to domestic violence. The cycle of abuse you should read about it.
You do not understand the impact domestic violence has on someone's life, loved ones.
It is why we need more education awareness to prevent this type of abuse from happening.
I truly hope you never become a victim of this horrible crime. Take care Quilly, you know I love this poem.
God Bless

Lost Crow --

In your youth you have said many arrogant and condescending things which I have ignored -- mostly because they're on your own blog --, but not today. You should not presume to pass judgement on a life you haven't lived. Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Domestic violence doesn't just suddenly occur and the woman hangs around. Before the firt blow is ever thrown she is so emotionally and mentally battered that the physical abuse doesn't really matter. And it all happens so slowly, so gradually, that it is just like one more feather added to a burden. You never really notice it is there until somebody comes and lifts it away.

People who think like you do actually support abuse -- because they make the victim fear reaching out for help. From your reaction to my poem, I fear that if this hypothetical woman had asked you for help, you would have told her she deserved the beating -- which is exactly the same claim the abuser makes.

you may have misinterpreted me quilldancer, and passed judgement on me in the same way you claim I have passed judgment on her. Do not take offense to this next statement it is merely a questoin I propose to you which is at the heart of my previous statement, If you say that someone should lift her burden, that is to say that by example they are showing her pity and being selfless, in the same way that she has been selfless in taking the abuse, so whille being selfless to lift her burden may seem like a compasionate gesture, will it work since she is seeing someone else being selfless it will only give her strength to suffer even more in the selfless manner which she herself is involved. purpetuating the cycle. I'm interested in what you will say about this.

I think your original comment stands on it's own. You said it is the victims fault she is beaten. That attitude -- as far as the victim is concerned -- is the same as telling her not to come to you for hhelp, so she stays and she suffers because she sees no way out.

Do you personally know or care about anyone who is or has been victimized? I think you have formed an opinion and passed judgment without knowing anything about the psychology of abuse.

And I did not say someone should be selfless to help her. I said that people who publicly spout idiotic and uninformed opinions keep her in fear of seeking help.

Victims of physical abuse are most often killed when they are trying to leave their abuser. Would you, as a 100 pound woman, take a chance on leaving a fist wielding 160 pound man without the certainty of escape if you feared for your life? As far as the women are concerned, "better beaten then dead." Because they fear their escape will fail most women don't try to leave until they think, better dead than another beating.

That would change -- leaving would be safer -- if public perception that the abused person deserved the abuse would change.

This poem can also be viewed at Holly’s Fight to Stop Violence

Thank you for leaving this poem on my post about domestic violence. I am a strong woman, brimming with self-esteem, grounded with standards. I am baffled by this behavior, but trying to understand or find the magic words to save my daughter. It's far to easy to see this poem as her epitaph.